柯南的入學考試

新一變小後，自稱柯南，因為到了上學年齡所以不得不在小蘭的強迫下去小學報名。老師上想看看柯南智商有沒有問題，問他
“樹上有十隻鳥，開槍打死一隻，還剩幾隻？”
柯南反問
“是無聲手槍或別的無聲的槍嗎？”
“不是。”
“槍聲有多大？”
“80-100分貝。”
“那就是說會震的耳朵疼？”
“是。”
“在這個城市裏打鳥犯不犯法？”
“不犯。”
“您確定那只鳥真的被打死啦？”
“確定。”偶已經不耐煩了“拜託，你告訴我還剩幾隻就行了，OK”
“OK，樹上的鳥裏有沒有聾子？”
“沒有。”
“有沒有關在籠子裏的？”
“沒有。”
“邊上還有沒有其他的樹，樹上還有沒有其他鳥？”
“沒有。”
“有沒有殘疾的或餓的飛不動的鳥？”
“沒有。”
我認為原文不妥：
“算不算懷孕肚子裏的小鳥？”
“不算。”
“打鳥的人眼有沒有花？保證是十隻？”
“沒有花，就十隻。”
偶已經滿腦門是汗，且下課鈴響，但他繼續問
“有沒有傻的不怕死的？”
“都怕死。”
“會不會一槍打死兩隻？”
“不會。”
“所有的鳥都可以自由活動嗎？”
“完全可以。”
“如果您的回答沒有騙人，”
柯南滿懷信心的說，
“打死的鳥要是掛在樹上沒掉下來，那麼就剩一隻，如果掉下來，就一隻不剩。”
老師當即暈倒

Some wise guy once said this

Reality is an illusion caused by the lack of alcohol.

Humours

How do you know that?
Bob: My car doesn't have a speedmeter.
Rob: Then how do you know how fast you're going?
Bob: Well, when I'm driving at 15 miles an hour, the fenders rattle; at 25 miles an hour, the windows rattle; and at 30, the motor starts knocking-and that's as fast as it'll go.

Time Is Money
As the taxi came to a screeching halt at a traffic light, I asked the driver, "Do you agree that 'Time is money'?"
"Well, it's a very common saying. Who will care so much about that?" the driver answered.
"Look, the digits in the meter are still running when the car has stopped, "I pointed at the meter.
"Oh, yes. You've got a point here. In this case, time is money for both of us." added the driver.

Key to One's Success
One day a father was teaching his son and said, "The keys to your success are keeping your word and cleverness. Once you promise somebody a promise, you must carry it out no matter what will happen. This is called 'keeping one's word.'

"What is cleverness? asked his son.

"Cleverness is that you'll never make such a promise, " the father answered.

Be responsible
Employer: In this job we need someone who is responsible.
Applicant: I'm the one you want. On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.